So Aster (Illumination) was the Soulflower pick for the month of May. I have spent most of the month aware of her presence, but more in the background, kind of like an item on my never-ending to-do list. “I’ll pay attention to you soon,” I promised.
Nevertheless, she was there, sinking into my subconscious and working her magic as the plant spirits tend to do, until I am ready to connect the dots in my conscious understanding.
All month there have been hints, and explorations (my foray into going live on social media for example) concerning how I want to show up in my creative business now that I am transitioning to Soulflower full time. The biggest download has been concerning PLAY.
I am in the final few weeks of letting go of my graphic design responsibilities and I can’t help but feel an enormous blend of both excitement, fear and overwhelm as I step back onto the path I truly believe my soul intends this lifetime. So much to think about! So many ideas and creative impulses are beginning to flow, (become illuminated), and it would be easy for me to get all wrapped up with unending to-do lists and all that I think I need to be doing.
But that doesn’t feel so good. It feels stressful. And Aster has stepped in to remind me that the reason that I have called Soulflower my heARTswork is because is is so joyful and nourishing and rich for me to be “working”, or rather PLAYING at it.
On reflection, I am reminded that perhaps the only place I truly PLAY is when I am pottering around my garden...not focused on a particular chore...just pottering/exploring.
In my garden, in nature, I am in my element. It feels playful and joyful and THIS, my friends, is how I want to approach my Soulflower work. Following my joy, my bliss, my heart rather than turning it into a huge to-do list, or another burden of responsibility.
And I want to bring that quality of PLAY into all areas of my business... creating art, creating content, creating space, creating connections and truly creating my life as I feel inspired to. A flowing personal journey, and an exploration, rather than a scheduled, pressured timetable to innovate, create and market new products or whatever based on some external timetable.
I do realise that goal setting and planning is super important, but when you goal set and plan through the window of PLAY you are able to set expectations and then let go of the outcome. Because ultimately the outcome is not something we can control anyway right?! I have tried...
PLAY is not only an appropriate channel of communication and self-expression....there is no anxiety or self-consciousness...you are simply creating.... creating pure joy in the moment...and the moments become timeless.
It is an extraordinarily difficult task to change one’s mindset about work...what it’s supposed to look like, how you are supposed to show up for it and so on. Adulting in our culture starts early and the notion of play being productive and responsible is really not accepted.
There is so much judgement to overcome...from every direction! But probably mostly from myself.
The core belief that Aster has illuminated for me is the notion that play is something I get to do AFTER all the hard work, right? Play is a my reward… which unfortunately (up till now) I have told myself I don’t have time for, or I don’t have the energy for, or perhaps I even don’t deserve.
And so now that this core belief has been illuminated, I have a choice in whether I perpetuate that core belief, or let it go, since it certainly does not serve me any longer!
I HAVE A CHOICE!
Aster is not just illuminating the way for me to grow, she is reminding me how. Helping me to gain clarity and focus on how I want to be in this world. How I want to create my life. And how I want to reconnect with, grow, explore and rediscover this playful side of myself that is finally seeing the light of day.
And all in perfect timing of course!
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I know that whatever happens in my life I can roll with it all. I can feel and embrace the joy and the pain because I know they are not separate, or opposite, but are instead the two wings of the same bird, lifting me up and carrying me along.