“Everything that has happened in your life so far has prepared you for this very moment.”—Tosha Silver
Can you FEEL this as truth deep within your bones?
Periwinkle has been my guiding Plant Spirit this moon cycle, her INTERTWINING vines speaking to me of all the stories, relationships and experiences of my life and how they are ALL important—even the challenging and traumatic ones—and serve to support who I am and who I am becoming.
Periwinkle was also the last Plant Spirit I worked with when I was creating the Soulflower Plant Spirit Oracle Deck. She let me know clearly that she was to be the last card and it was time to self-publish my creation. Oh so scary at the time, and had I known then what I would be stepping into I know for sure I would have been paralyzed with fear and overwhelm.
This is the gift of not “knowing.”
The benefit of uncertainty and not having a clear, safe plan for our lives allows room for the Divine to intertwine and flow through us. It creates an opportunity to open up to new experiences that we can not possibly conceive of when we are creating only within our perceived limitations.
And now here Periwinkle is again asking me, asking us all, to take stock of 2020, wrap things up, and ready ourselves for the New Year and the changes it will certainly bring. Because, as we all know, the only thing that is certain IS change.
It takes enormous trust to let go of trying to control my life and instead remember that even though the way is not clear, I am guided and all I have to do is take one step after another in the direction my heart is leading me.
2020 has certainly been a year where I have had to practice letting go and trusting in all the ways!! No half measures! I'm sure the same is true for you too. :)
My word, my intention for 2020, was PRESENCE—to be fully present in every moment.
Reflecting back I can see clearly not only how perfect that word was for all that I have experienced but also how each Plant Spirit guide I have journeyed with this year has gently supported me through the intensity of my own personal (and our collective) growing pains.
2020 has been a year for calling back all the pieces of myself that were not present, that I had disconnected with over the course of my life, and perhaps many lifetimes. A year for examining loose ends and weaving them back into the tapestry of my life.
My biggest aha?
I have remembered that to be fully PRESENT requires that I hold, and embody as my deepest truths, states of being such as peace, unity, trust, compassion, forgiveness and unconditional love.
And this, as I have said so many times before, is a practice.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t experience the many other truths that being human brings—anger, frustration, grief, fear, and so on—it just means that I understand these energies as temporary. They occur in my present moment and then I remember to allow them to move through me, to let them go, as I remember my deepest truths mentioned above.
I have witnessed in my own life how fear, trauma, scarcity mentality, separation and deeply held beliefs around my ability to control my life’s experiences fractures me, closes down my heart’s connection to Source, to compassion and forgiveness of myself and others and to the truth of our Divine Nature—the truth that we are indeed all one and in this together.
One of the biggest gifts for me during 2020 was journeying alongside sacred circles of women in the Soulflower Sanctuary. For the first time in my life I had the amazing opportunity not only to simply be myself but also to gain a different and wider perspective than just my own personal experience with the plants.
Opening up my heart and finding the courage to share my process with others, I got to witness first-hand the similar threads of all of our individual stories and how intertwined we truly are.
Experiencing the Plant Spirits through a collective lens gave me a more global perspective of our common humanity and opened my heart even further to the understanding that there truly is no separation between us all. ZERO.
We are all connected and we are all one—human, plant, mineral, animal, microbe, atom...SAME story, different details.
And opening my heart further I could see that we have even less control than I thought…as in we have none.
Thinking we have any control of the outer flow of life is a complete illusion, magical thinking for sure, and right up there with thinking that science is the only way to make sense of it all. The extent of our interconnection with all beings, seen and unseen, is far more vast and complex than we can possibly conceive much less perceive! But as humans we certainly do try!!
Over and over I am brought to my knees witnessing how the inner programming of control runs so deep, within and without. Permeating, intertwining, all of our relationships—with each other—and with ALL facets of the natural world.
PRESENCE, to all that is actually happening, in every now moment, within my own body, within my own mind, within my own heart and with every choice I make, is absolutely the key to where the magic truly lives. The kind of magic that has the power to heal the whole.
Trying to control life requires and only perpetuates the narratives of fear, force, guilt, shame and manipulation on many levels—whether it is personal or occurring in the collective—and that only brings more suffering, more pain, more harm, and more separation from the truth of our own hearts, each other and from Source.
And Periwinkle, lovely Periwinkle, is pushing me, guiding us all, out to the very edge of our human experience, so that we can actually learn from our individual and collective past rather than unconsciously repeating it. So that we can face the uncertainty of our future, not with fear in our hearts, but with joy and anticipation for what we can create when we truly come together and re-member.
This is the edge of growth. And it has nothing to do with technology or science or politics and everything to do with remembering who we truly are as interconnected, energetic beings.
2020 was a year of intense RE-MEMBERING—literally reclaiming all of the lost pieces of our loving, human hearts—and there is still much heart work ahead of us as we one by one remember who we truly are and together heal the collective soul.
The Earth shows us that it is our nature to evolve and to grow, and that it takes bucket loads of trust to surrender to the unseen creative force that is far greater than we can ever know, that flows through, and desires to be expressed by each and every single one of us.
So what did 2020 bring me? What were the gifts?
Together with the 2020 Soulflower guides I created strong boundaries rooted in love (Yarrow), I evolved beyond labels and judging all the things (Purple Poppy), I remembered my sovereign self (Sunflower), I made choices understanding that nothing is wrong (Daffodil), I found the courage to cut codependent relationships (Hawthorn), I learned to speak my truth (Hellebore) and to recognize and stop gaslighting myself and others (Zinnia), I practiced conscious neutrality (Lady’s Slipper) and I revelled in the pure joy of life itself (Rose). I found moments of peace amidst the chaos (Red Clover) so that I could truly see and feel that we are all intertwined in this human story together (Periwinkle).
And now I get to take all these incredible gifts and INTEGRATE them fully, embody them, so that as I continue to flow with the spiral of life I can remember how to stay as present as I possibly can in each and every now moment.
Mugwort (Integration) is the last Plant Spirit I will be working with, by myself this time, in 2020—and integrate I shall—all that I have remembered and become aware of within myself this year, so that I can indeed continue to grow and share my work in this world.
It is my deepest wish and my deeply held belief that taking the responsibility to heal (whole) myself is the greatest way I can personally contribute to the healing of the Earth and all of us. I know this is true for you too.
This is the work my friends!
And every day, if we choose to, we get to show up, remember and embody the truth of who we are and intertwine with the Divine flow of life a little bit more.
You can read more about Periwinkle in my older blog posts All Is As It Should Be and On the Edge of Growth. She can also be found in my Soulflower Plant Spirit Oracle Deck and as meditative Coloring Page. And the original painting from the deck is still available if you need her medicine in your life. :)
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The more I fight and struggle and suffer, the more I create all that I am not. And the more I sink into the watery depths of despair, which I have done over and over as I have unpacked my personal suffering, the more I pull others down with me. Rose tells me over and over that what is in my highest good is indeed in the highest good for all.